I think I’m dating wrong. I have been in the dating sea for years, a good decade or so, and have yet to find the elusive ship of relations. (FYI, this post might be full of bad nautical puns – you’ve been warned) I have just been floating along on my life raft of loneliness, sometimes getting nibbles of whatever I can get my hands on to give me sustenance for a little while longer so I don’t have to resort to throwing myself overboard and just calling it quits. Now, I have been rescued before. The S.S. Kevin saved me for a while, till there was a mutiny on the ship, and I was forced to walk the plank. Years before that I took a very short trip on the S.S. Dave #4, which sank shortly thereafter (as did the first 3 S.S. Daves; you’d think I would have learnt my lesson and bought a ticket with a different ship name). But here I still am, floating on my life raft of loneliness, fast approaching my 31st year on this planet, and wondering if I should keep sailing to find that ship of mine, or if I should just come to terms with the fact that there may not actually be a ship out there for me, and that I might be better off to find land on my own, and forge a new path by myself.
All of this is just a super long winded way of saying that my love life has become rather stagnant lately. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been chatting with a handful of prospects, and a couple of them have been better than others, but nothing worth really writing about lately. I met one guy that I liked a little over a month ago but he didn’t feel the same way about me, so that was close to something. But, as it always is with me, it went nowhere. There is a new guy I have been hanging out with this past week who I like (the one I’ve tweeted about for the 2 of you who read this and follow me on Twitter) but I’m not really sure if I actually like him. He’s a great guy, we have a ton in common, but I don’t feel excited or nervous to see him. I feel like I’m just going through the motions of dating. Is there actually such a thing as having a spark with someone? I know I’ve had it with guys in the past, but was I just reacting to something else? Or is the fact that I don’t feel the “spark” or whatever a sign that I’m not really into him, so I probably shouldn’t lead him on?
I think part of the problem with me is that I can’t seem to shake all these other guys, mostly ones from my past, which keeps coming back into my life. These guys pop out of nowhere, like a popup book from hell just to fuck with my brain and prevent me from making rational, sane decisions.
The first in a 4 part gong show: Erik. Of course Erik rears his head in a time like this. I think I mentioned a post or two ago that he was back in the picture, texting and snap chatting me on occasion. We had even had that random dinner date when I was still seeing Max. But Erik always has and always will come and go in and out of my life as he pleases. I know this. And I let him, against my better judgement. But I have to admit that I like the attention. I like hanging out with him once in awhile, because we honestly do have fun together. And he is good for a quick (albeit not great quality) lay once in awhile too. So that’s the purpose of Erik. To use me as much as I use him.
The second part in this gong show is Shamus. Remember him? I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t; he disappeared out of my life shortly after I moved from Riverview to Lakeview. I’ve heard from him maybe three times since I moved and for a moment that first year I was here, I thought maybe we’d get together to hook up, but it never happened. But all of a sudden, out of the blue about 2 weeks ago or so, I started hearing from him again. Since then every few days he texts me. The conversations never last long, but I find it both weird and awesome that he’s contacting me again. Out of all the guys I dated back in Riverview, he was that one guy that I regretted not sleeping with when I had the chance. There was so much potential there. He would be the perfect Random Hook-Up Guy if he lived here. Oh well.
The third part in the gong show is Married Twatwaffle, previously known as Soccer Boy. This is a story and a half really, but I will try to make it as short and sweet as possible. We met, hooked up a couple times, it went nowhere, we moved on. I met Kevin, and during that time, Soccer Boy got married and got his wife pregnant. But, that didn’t stop SB from messaging me on Facebook messenger periodically, trying to flirt with me. Each time I heard from him, I had to tell him that flirting with me was not ok, because I had a boyfriend that I loved, and he was fricken married. After that I would go another 6 – 10 months without hearing from him. So it’s no surprise that after Kevin and I broke up, that I started to hear from him again. At first his messages were friendly (which is why I gave him my cell number so we didn’t have to Facebook message) but then, they continued to get more and more inappropriate. So this is the conversation I eventually had to have with him.
So needless to say after all that that he is a total dick bag. I mean really, what does he think would happen if he and his wife split up and I started dating him? Does he think that I’d ever trust him when I know full well how he treated his WIFE? Fuck that. I know better. And I was never interested in him enough even 3 years ago to overlook that glaring evidence of sheer douchebaggery.
The fourth and final part is Scooter. He and I never did end up meeting, because not long after we started talking I met Kevin, and the rest as they say is history, but we have kept fairly decent contact since. We followed each other on Twitter, in the meantime, but there was no actual contact during the Kevin of it all. After Kevin though, our tweets back and forth became fairly regular, and eventually turned into DM chatting which has now evolved into the Snapchat game. But we still haven’t met. Partly because I don’t actually think he’s interested in me like that, and also because I’m too much of a chicken shit to actually tell him, “Hey, it’s been 2 fucking years. It’s time we meet and figure this out one way or another.” So for now I will just do the snap chat thing and hope that one day one of the two of us grows the balls to suggest meeting.
It looks like I am forever doomed to be floating on the life raft loneliness. Because if the links to those posts have taught any of us anything, it’s that I haven’t learnt a fucking thing in the last 3 years.