Damned If You Do Them

Damned if you don’t do…actually never mind. You are damned only if you do them. I know. I’ve done the research.

Oh, hi there guys, didn’t see you come in. I hope the holidays were good for you all. My holidays were alright. Nothing really to write home about. My life, and more specifically, my love life, have been very uneventful.

There is this new guy named Scooter that I was excited about, as we have been talking for over a month now, but due to the holidays, still haven’t met. He’s cute, really funny, smart, and seems like an all-around good guy. His voice is also sexy as hell, a fact I know because he is a radio producer who does his own podcast for fun in his free time (I’m a sucker for a cute guy with a sexy voice and a podcast) but all of that is moot as it seems it may have ended before it could even start.

Before Christmas we were talking all day every day, but then he went away for Christmas, and ever since it’s been sporadic at best and I get the feeling from listening to his podcast that he is talking to other girls (which isn’t surprising. He’s an online dater, there’s of course other women he’s talking to) but I get the feeling that he’s lost interest in this girl. My instincts are telling me that I’m just a back-up at this point. So although as of a few days ago, he said he still wanted to meet me, the timeline was vague and in my gut I feel like I should just stick to listening to A Couple of Pricks Podcast (shameless plug) and not put all my hopes on meeting Scooter anytime soon.

Luckily, there are a couple other guys in the wings that are potential future blog posts, one way or another, but only time will tell for that. The good news is that I met a new guy and it wasn’t a disaster. It was quite nice in fact. Not really second date material, but it went well. I’ll take a victory wherever I can get it.

But what I really came back to talk about, are the ones who keep coming back. The ones where it doesn’t matter how things went down between you, they keep popping up in your life. Dating boomerangs, if you will. I have a few of these dudes in my life, and while it isn’t guys I outright hate hearing from, because truth be told, it is nice having back-ups just in case I need em one day, I’m not exactly thrilled to hear from them either.  As if you guys didn’t already know that I was messed up in the head.

Christmas is always a time when you hear from long lost friends, and get well wishes from all around you.  Which explains why I heard from Erik for the first time since we hung out a few months ago. He just sent me a quick text Christmas morning while I was opening gifts with my family to wish me a Merry Christmas.  I responded in kind, and that was that.  I shot him a text on New Year’s Eve, just to wish him a good one, and he responded back and again, that was that.  I think after a year, I might be ready to actually be friends with him.  Just friends.  I do not want to fall down that rabbit hole again.  So that was Erik.

Two days after Christmas, I heard from Shamus via Facebook messenger, and all he wanted to know where I was.  When I told him I was in Lakeview, all he said “That sucks” and then that was the end of the conversation.  Well alrighty then.  Thanks for the riveting mentally stimulating conversation, dickbag.

The next one I heard from was Matt. It has been months since I heard from him last.  The last time I heard from him, it was an invitation to hang out (which is boy code for fucking), we even made plans with a date and everything, and then when the time actually came, I heard nothing from him.  The same thing happened this time too.  The difference here was that instead of it being another few months till I heard from him again, it was only a couple days.  And then again a couple days after that.  Since he can’t follow through on plans, I’m not too worried about anything actually happening.  I’m fairly certain that he’s only talking to me because he is still single, and probably very horny.

The same goes for Joel.  I haven’t really written about him, although there is a story there, but let’s just say that he is the one mistake I keep making every few months.  The basic situation is a little bit like Erik was last year, with one notable exception: I have absolutely no feelings for him.  In fact, he really bugs me.  The things he says are sometimes weird, and he seems to have a radar that goes off only when I’m feeling lonely and super horny, because that’s the only time I hear from him.  He is also very paranoid that he’s going to knock me up, or that I’m going to “trap” him by getting pregnant. It’s ridiculous.  Evidently he thinks that when I told him point blank under no uncertain terms that I did not ever want to get pregnant by him that I was either lying, or talking in that “girl code” you boys seem to love thinking we use when in reality, we are just using words.  Believe me; it’s strictly just because he’s actually pretty good in bed, which is a huge case to be made for the whole “it’s not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean” argument.  He doesn’t have much going on down there, but he does know how to use it.

So he only texts me when he wants to get laid.  I know this.  He obviously knows this.  And I have absolutely no problems telling him that he isn’t going to get any.  I’ve been downright rude to him, telling him that it wasn’t going to happen.  And he keeps coming back.  Which tells me that he’s either that determined, or he just knows that eventually, I will cave in (as eventually, I do).  Whatever, I’m single, we’re careful, I don’t even like him, and the sex is good.  I do what I want.*Sidenote: While I was editing this, and just about to hit publish, guess who I got a text from?  It was just too funny a coincidence not to share.  Also worth noting: I stayed home, and will be doing my hair when this is post is published. I couldn’t have planned a better treat for you on this lovely Tuesday evening. You. Are. Welcome.*


See?  He seems so innocent.  So casual.  So not necessarily horny.

See? He seems so innocent. So casual. So not necessarily horny.

An hour or less huh?  I can tell that that would be the most rocking 30 minutes of my life.

An hour or less huh? I can tell that that would be the most rocking 30 minutes of my life.

Someone call an ambulance, cause this guy just got BURNED!

Someone call an ambulance, cause this guy just got BURNED! *Walks away, thoroughly impressed with herself.*

And that’s the problem here.  Well, I guess it’s only a problem depending on how you look at things. It’s only a problem because once you do that with a guy, open the door to sex, the exit strategy is almost impossible to put into place.  I choose to look at this in a glass half full kind of way though, because hello, at least I can get laid whenever I want.  And it’s already been a long, cold winter.  A girl’s gotta keep warm till her Prince Charming shows up.

And at least in the meantime, I have material to write about in 2014.

It’s not a lot, but I will take it.



One thought on “Damned If You Do Them

  1. […] fourth and final part is Scooter.  He and I never did end up meeting, because not long after we started talking I met Kevin, […]

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