Friends, Friends with Benefits and Benefits without Friends

It’s the there, their and they’re of the dating world. Sure they all sound the same and yeah when you put them into a sentence they look alike, but misusing or misunderstanding their meanings all end up the same way – people think you are a complete idiot.

I am relatively new to the world of sex and dating (see blog entry #3 about Dave #4) so I myself am a rookie when it comes to having sex with someone you aren’t in a relationship with. I lost my virginity a year ago, and so far have slept with only 2 men. (haha, I say only like it should be 8 or 9) the first one was Dave #4, and the second will just be referred to as the FWB.

FWB is an interesting story actually. We met online (of course, where else have I met men for the last 7 years?) about 5 years ago. We chatted it up for months and then finally made plans to meet. He and I live in cities that are two hours apart, so I met up with him on a weekend that I was in his neck of the woods to visit some friends.

We went for supper, and then went to karaoke. He is ridiculously talented and made my panties wet with his singing voice. Yeah. Seriously. We got along real well, there was definitely an attraction on my end, and the fact that he invited me to stay over at his place that night, told me that he liked me somewhat. I declined because my one friend was mad at me for ditching her to go meet a complete stranger. Had I known what kind of friend she would turn out to be, FWB would have been my first when I was 22, instead of Dave when I was 26.

I really liked him, he seemed to like me. But that night when I went back to meet my friends instead of spend the night with him I made a choice, that seemingly changed everything. Ok, so I am being a *tad* bit dramatic, but who knows what would have happened if I would have stayed.

So fast forward 5 years later. We had periodically communicated over Facebook (like maybe once or twice in those 5 years). Then, in January, when I was still going out with Dave #4, FWB messaged me, thanking me for motivating him to get healthy, by seeing the journey I had taken to get healthy over Facebook. I was overwhelmed and ridiculously flattered, and something sparked in me. I don’t know if it was the fact that I was still attracted to him, or the fact that he paid me more of a compliment in that 3 paragraph FB message than Dave did the entire 5 months we had been dating, but a couple weeks later, I had broken up with Dave (cause he’s an ass) and FWB and I were hooking up at FWB’s house.

My friends all thought that this was the happily ever after I had been looking for. Hell, my best friend still thinks that things with FWB would work out if we both pulled our heads out of our asses long enough to realize we are perfect for each other (she has never met him, by the way)

It’s true though, I do really care for him. I would love it if he turned to me one day, and told me he wanted to actually be in a relationship with me. But we are just friends with benefits. We typically hang out like two old friends would. We play video games, we go for coffee when I’m in town, I see him in the plays he’s in when I can, we text once in a while, we discuss sports, and city politics. And we have great sex. Really great sex. Not mind blowing, but considering I haven’t ever climaxed with him, and sex with him is STILL better than with Dave who did get me there quite often towards the end of our relationship, it’s pretty damn good. And it seems to last a lot longer than it ever did with Dave.

So that’s my FWB. I also have a Benefits without Friends guy. His name is Shamus. There are only a few differences between Shamus and FWB. The first being that Shamus lives only 15 minutes from my house instead of two hours. The second is that we have only known each other for a couple months, not 5 years. Thirdly, I only hear from him when he is wanting to get some (I should clarify that I haven’t had sex with him….yet. But I have been close.) And lastly, we rarely have friend moments (tv watching, actual chatting, going out in public together), it’s all just physical fun. I could see myself having sex with him down the road if we continue to benefit. Because frankly, I am horny, and he lives in town.

Then of course there are just the friends who unfortunately are in the eternal “land of no sex” with me. Guys who are wonderful, and maybe are good for certain things but are terrible at other things. (By the way, this is the perfect time to mention to you ladies, that if you date a really bad kisser, it might be ok to let him go down on you. The reasons that make him a horrible kisser, could make him really awesome at eating you out. Just a suggestion….) These bad things though are deal breakers, and these are guys you just can’t seem to ever see yourself with in any real way. I have friend zoned many guys to various degrees. Don’t feel too bad for them. Sure, they are bench warmers now, forever doomed to be 4th string backups, but I’ve always put these guys in the game as starters just to see how it goes (Coach Olivia is back. Yay!) They have all had their shot, but didn’t quite make the cut, so they are forever on the practice roster. Poor guys. Some just don’t have game.

FWB is the one I’d like to start in my life right now. I would love to upgrade him from FWB to my BF, and I would in a heartbeat. But I am not sure that he wants that. And I know for certain I am too much of a chicken shit to tell him how I feel and let the chips fall as they may. Plus, like I said, I am horny, and lonely, and yes a wee bit pathetic, so do I really wanna give up my only chance at sex for the time being because I gave into my emotions? Hell no. Sex wins the day every time. And until I find somebody who wants to cut the bullshit of all these games, I’d rather have a friend with benefits than no friend with no benefits at all.

I guess I lied. Even
if you get the spelling right, and the right label to the right meaning, you still end up looking and sounding like a complete idiot. Or maybe that’s just me.

Probably just me.

Class dismissed!



2 thoughts on “Friends, Friends with Benefits and Benefits without Friends

  1. […] kind of good sex I hadn’t had since things were really in the hot and heavy passionate phase with Erik last summer.  It was the kind of sex that usually takes several outings with a new guy before […]

  2. […] second part in this gong show is Shamus.  Remember him?  I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t; he disappeared out of my […]

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